I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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