I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
