I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
