just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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