I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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