I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
