you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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