you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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