In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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