i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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