wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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