i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my sisters under your porch take her home
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
