remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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