ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
