oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
