My liver just broke up with me...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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