sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
