have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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