plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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