No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
