He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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