He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
