DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
