We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
