remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
