apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
