Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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