Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
