one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
