apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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