just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
