I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
