I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
