i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
