i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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