I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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