you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
