u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
