Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
