Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
