You work out of a Hotel?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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