Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
