wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
