Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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