these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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