Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
