I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
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