he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
