i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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