He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
