I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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