3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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