Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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