So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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