problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
