I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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