I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
