Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
