chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize