My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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