Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
