made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Randomize