I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
