It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
